


A Rooftop Ledge

by thegeminisage



Series: I'm Very Definitely Not Writing A Coda For Every Shadowhunters Episode, That Would Be Ridiculous [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Coda, Episode: s03e04 Thy Soul Instructed, M/M, Missing Scene, Parabatai Bond, Suicidal Thoughts, bet you can't guess where the author is from, fluff probably, writing this made me hungry the entire time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 02:34:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14346165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegeminisage/pseuds/thegeminisage
Summary: Alec needs a break from worrying about Jace, so Magnus tells him a story from when Jace was his roommate. [3.04 Coda]





	A Rooftop Ledge

**Author's Note:**

> ironically, i didn't really want to write a coda for this episode, but in for a penny, in for a pound i guess! ~~it was going to be a RIZZY coda but they sank my SHIP and broke my HEART so~~ here, have malec talking about jace, i guess. if that tags arent clear: warning for previous suicidal ideation, and mild discussion about mental illness.

Magnus rests his hand against Alec's face a moment, squeezes his shoulder, and turns away to walk back inside. Alec half-turns his head to stare after him, still lost in thought.

"What are you feeling like?" Magnus calls over his shoulder. "Gumbo? Southwestern? Italian? Or I could just portal us to Italy."

Alec shakes himself a little. "I was a big fan of that stew you made for my mother, actually," he says, because Magnus can hear the end of that one when Alec's _dead_ , thanks.

"Very funny," says Magnus, but he does crack a smile.

Alec pinches the bridge of his nose. "Let's just...get something ordered in? I have too much to work on to take time off."

"An hour to go eat isn't going to kill anyone, Alexander."

"With the rate mundanes are getting murdered? I wouldn't be so sure."

"Eating in it is," Magnus relents with a sigh, "but at least let's eat outside away from the books. Thirty minutes, that's all I'm asking. Maybe it will help to look at everything with fresh eyes."

And so the pair of them wind up with dinner (Magnus winds up summoning comfort food straight from the South Carolinian lowcountry) out on Magnus's roof—the same one Alec tried to jump from not too long ago. He tries not to let on as much to Magnus, but he thinks about it just a little every time they're up here; how close he really came to falling, how lucky he is that he had someone like Magnus to catch him. Or how he thought that miserable part of his life was over after his wedding—but he worries some part of him must have still felt that way deep down, if the spell still managed to wring it out of him.

Today Alec's thinking about how Aldertree threatened him with a psych evaluation shortly after the party. It was no small threat; Aldertree didn't have half the leverage on Alec that Alec wound up having on him later, but everyone always says _psych eval_ is just shorthand for being put out of work. If you're really lucky and you kiss a lot of ass, they might still put you on ichor duty once in awhile.

Maybe that's what Jace is so afraid of.

Just like Alec is getting better at reading Magnus's silences, so too is Magnus getting better at following Alec's unspoken train of thought. "You know," he says, watching Alec watch the rooftop ledge, "it's not a death sentence. If Jace is—"

"Crazy?" Might as well be.

"Mundanes go crazy all the time!" Magnus says, waving a fried shrimp in dismissal. "They manage. A little medication, a little therapy, they're right as rain." He pauses as if remembering something unpleasant. "Most of them, anyway."

"That's not how it works in the Clave and you know it." Alec snorts. "Besides, can you imagine _Jace_ in _therapy_? Seriously? You couldn't pay him  _or_ a therapist enough to put up with that. The only people he actually talks to are Clary, Izzy, and—" He sighs, poking at his potatoes with his fork. "Me. At least, I thought he did."

Alec tells Magnus about Jace's outburst earlier, when he told Jace about his mother's history. "He wouldn't be acting like if something wasn't wrong. Back when I was engaged to Lydia, I did the same thing, always lashing out for the smallest reason. It was because I was miserable, but I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone, even my parabatai. I was so furious when he stopped me from taking Meliorn to the Silent Brothers—but he was right all along. He was saving me from myself. I should be able to do the same for him."

Magnus rubs Alec's shoulder a little. "He looks out for you," he agrees, and then his eyes light up. "Which reminds me. You know, Jace and I were on this very roof once discussing you."

Alec wonders if it's too late to throw himself off the edge after all. "Oh?" he manages, and stuffs half a roll in his mouth so he doesn't have to say anything else for a moment.

Magnus leans back in his seat, hands folded on his lap, smirking. This is going to be a terrible story, Alec just knows it. "He wanted to make sure we weren't 'just a fling.' How did he put it—" Magnus drops his voice, pinching his lips together and squinting a little. " _'My brother is sensitive. I'm never gonna let anyone hurt him.'_ "

Magnus is terrifyingly skilled at impersonations. It's such a startling likeness that Alec chokes on a laugh even as he slaps a hand over his face in complete and total mortification. "He didn't. Oh, _Jace_. What was he thinking?"

Now Magnus looks embarrassed. Alec wasn't paying a bit of attention to what sort of alcohol he paired with this meal, but he takes a long drink of it before answering. "It may have been shortly after you and I—took things a step further. You can't imagine the shock I got when he said he knew without being told!" Magnus lays a hand over his heart. "For a moment I thought..."

Alec catches his meaning right away. "Oh, _God_ ," he says, horrified. He spent something like half his life pining for Jace. He can't imagine how much worse it would have been if— "No, no, how would I have ever gotten anything done?" he says, and he laughs because it makes Magnus laugh, because it feels good to be able to think about Jace without that horrible dread creeping in. "We can feel each other's life force, so if Jace is injured or sick or—" Alec swallows, determined to keep the moment light. "—anything else, the rune hurts. As far as physical sensations go, that's it, I promise."

Magnus leans forward again, food forgotten in his interest. "And the rest? If you'll forgive my curiosity—I haven't personally known very many shadowhunters with the bond."

Alec's pleased to be able to be someone to tell Magnus something new, after all the people he's met and things he's seen. "Instincts," he says with a shrug. "If we're in the field and I catch a certain sound or movement, he will too. If he goes right I just know to go left. And then we can sense each other's emotions—right after we bonded, it was hard to tell which feeling belonged to who. Took a lot of practice."

His eyes stray back to the edge of the rooftop, and he sobers. Magnus does too.

"And how is Jace feeling now?"

That's easy. "Scared shitless. Or maybe I'm still mixing us up." He lays a hand over his parabatai rune. "Magnus, when I felt this disappear...I've never experienced anything like that. That was the worst thing I've ever felt. It was unbearable." Like being torn in two. He can only imagine how much worse it would have been without Magnus and Izzy so close by. "I can't do that again," he says, hating the way his voice shakes, the way his breathing gets a little faster. "I'll never be ready to do it again—"

"Alexander." Magnus takes Alec's free hand in both of his. "Look. Even in a worst case scenario, he'll get taken off the field. That makes it _less_ likely that he'll die."

Alec glances at the edge of the roof one last time. He isn't so sure. He spent a lot of his late teens and early twenties thinking of death as a nice eventuality, but he doesn't think _all_ of it came from him. He thinks maybe some of it came from Jace, and he was too wrapped up in his own problems to notice.

"I should get back to the case," he sighs finally, and stands. Their half hour is up. He's not quite finished with his meal, but he's just not hungry anymore. "For all I know, it _could_ be nothing, and he really is just exhausted and overworked trying to figure out the murders. If that's true then the best thing I can do for him is put a stop to them." If it's not true, then it's the best thing Alec can do for himself. Once his attention is freed up, he can focus all of it on helping Jace.

Magnus stands. "I'll help you."

"Magnus, you don't have to—"

"Hey, hey." Magnus puts a finger to Alec's lips. "You look after Jace, and I'll look after you. Trust me, I'm sure there'll be plenty of chances for you both to return the favor."

Alec smiles a little. What would he do without Magnus? "Thank you."

Magnus nudges his chin a little. "Think nothing of it."

A wave of Magnus's hands to clean up dinner, and then back down they go—into the light, and away from the dark and lonely rooftop ledge, and the all strange and fleeting comfort that it brought.

**Author's Note:**

> i am on tumblr! i make gifs sometimes! [@thedegenerateasexual](https://thedegenerateasexual.tumblr.com/tagged/sh*) is where all the fun's at!


End file.
